Question to myself

Its 3 April already... first of all, Congrats to my youngest sister for her great achievement in Pre-UPSR Exam. She got 5 As. Hope she maintain it till the end. Happy Birthday to Yu, Qun (2/4): my adopt little sister through World Vision. Hope she enjoy her birthday. My condolence to my Housemate (Shikin) for the loss of her grandpa last Wednesday. Hope she will be okay. the way i wish them look likes they will read this. But, nevermind, as I post earlier, this is one of the medium to express my feeling.

Now its April and so far, my life still okay and I still can handle all the difficulties. Sometimes I lose hope over something or feel demotivated but Thanks to my life principle ,"I love Myself very Much". Why that principle help me? that is because If I am not love myself, who else will love me.hahaha...stupid answer...

can't wait for 30/4/2011. I will be going back to my hometown for holiday. Beside that, this is my first time since 2005, I am celebrating my birthday(3/5) with my family. Really miss my family & my hometown. Last I went back was on early december 2010. Although I am happy to go back home, but I am a bit worried. What should I bring back as a token to my parent and my siblings. For sure they will hope I will bring back something for them.(actually, some of them already texting me to buy something for them)

Lately, few questions disrupt my peaceful life. Thanx to the novel that I read and drama/series/movies that I watched for make me do this deep thinking exercise. But, sometimes I need to think because I never plan properly for my future. The only thing I do is, I will live and enjoy my life to the max today and not to think about what will happen tomorrow.here are the question that difficult for me to answer. Even the exam question during study time more easier than this.
1. What I want in my life? What I want to achieve?
2. Who I want to be in the next 3 years? Who will be by my side to give a support?
3. Will I be the same person as today in the future? Will the environment change my characteristics?
4. Will I be able to put 100% trust on people as per today? Will I be able to act like nothing happen when I know people backstabbed me as per today?
5. Did I already do the best as a human, daughter, sisters, friend and stranger?
6. Is it okay to be selfish in order to achieve our own dream? (this one is really difficult for me because I am afraid of hurting people feeling especially those that I love. even sometime i told myself those people will understand why am doing that, but deep inside my heart i feel guilty and ends up give up that dreamt because I am afraid people will get hurt)
7. and final question : When will I get married? ...

Is it my strength or my weaknesses when I always put people feeling on top of everything that I will do? Sometime, when i had to hurt their feeling, i really feel guilty and feel useless. but i need to act normal in front of them so that i will look strong and firm with my decision. the only thing i can say is sorry although i know it is not enough. when this situation happen, i will sit inside my room without doing nothing and just think about my action. is it ok or is it hurt these people so much?

now, i feel guilty with my stomach because it already sang a hungry song since 30mins ago....so, lunch time.....