Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Happy Birthday

15 April is my cousin,Norafidah bday.but like the past 9 years, i still doesn't have chance to wish her.i don't know why,among all my cousins i only care about her.maybe because we growed up together until at the age of 12.then after finish our primary school, i got an offer to continue my study in boarding school n left her behind.then a few month after that, her family move to Kuching then we lost contact until I was form 4 when i decided to go to daily school.my mum told me she engaged.first i was surprised because that time she just 16 but then i think back that I should happy for her.I really missed her.

during our childhood time we share everything together.I still remember during our kindergarden time, both of us help the teacher to clean up the class early in morning and after class.then in primary school we also stick together although we are in different class.we went back home together, run from our class to bus station to catch the last bus and went to canteen with other friend.in term of study,i only can discuss our homework together but sometimes she don't want to finish her work and play.i know that time she hate study but she enjoy come to school.i always remind her to do her work but she only take note on it if she felt boring to hear the same word from me.

It is lie if we're not quarel.sometimes we disagree with something and we will shout at each other.but the next day we will be like a sister again.forgot to tell.both of us are the eldest in our family but compare to her,i'm very lucky(not to show off but its true).sometimes i saw her cried under manggo tree in front of our house.its very painful when heard her scream when her mum or dad scold her and beat her.(it is normal during our time when mum n dad beat us with hanger or 'rotan').but then she recover by herself.i can't help because that time i afraid of my parent.i still remember one day her father tied her at their house pillar.she cry and shout but then i can't help her and i can see her from my house window.her dad very fierce and even my mum threat to do the same to me if i help her.but that is a history.beside those bad memories we enjoy much during that age.

today, my 10 times miss happy birthday wish to her.i heard she got married last year.then i haven't heard any news from her even i can't contact her number.actually all our family members do not know the current condition of her family.after move to kuching, my uncle rarely comes to visit us and we also rarely visit them.her house doesn't have phone and even her family do not know where she lives with her husband.I really miss her.hope she has a happy life and her husband loves her like her family loves her.i want to wish her HAPPY BIRTHDAY.the reason is because she is my very best cousin.Beside her I also love one more cousin but he died in 2002 in accident then since then i loss someone that i can trust to keep my secret.why not other cousin?maybe because i only knew them at the minimum age of 12years old and then we not really often met each other.i also got one more cousin at my mum side that same age like me n norafidah but i can't get along with them because they only look for people with high class level while i'm just a middle level for them.even their family not really like the other family member that they think not at the same level with them.but i don't care because i know they look high class outside but they not live a happy life.they hide it but i knew it cause i know all their family secret.

Hope next year i got chance to wish and spend more time with my best cousin.if nothing happen, i will finish my study at the end of this year.i really want to see her and talk to her like we did during our childhood.


16 April, my best friend during primary school birthday.She is Nur Juliana bt Azlan.same like norafidah, i also miss a chance to wish her Happy birthday,include this year it is 10 years.last time i saw her during our last day of primary school.then during secondary school, we separate for the same reason like Norafidah case.but i still remember her until now and try searching for her.miss the time together.

18 April, my best roommate during secondary school birthday.Rasyidah.she now in UITM SA
26 April,my best roomate during secondary school birthday.Sofia Maggie.for three continious week is our birthday week.week 1,syidah,week 2 sofia n week 3 my birthday.that make three of us unique as a roommate that time.

30 April,my friend that i knew since foundation year birthday.She is Fiera and now she is my room neighbour.hahahahha.she now busy with her work same like me but she is more clever n hardworking than me.

so many people birthday in April.i Got few more date n name to write but forgot their real bday date.hehehhe.....

better stop now since very lazy to type.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

busy n stress time

Things need to be done before end of April
  1. SM, HRM, KMT,ADBS Project
  2. SM Assignment
  3. FYP Seminar,Interim Report, Final Presentation
  4. Test 2: HRM,ADBS,SM

Arrgggg....very2 busy n tension.dunno which one to be settle first.all these work make me feel like vormitting.why always gave work during last minutes times...i admit that sometimes it student fault for doing everything last minutes but we still know how to manage our time.but this time, i feel like i want to run away from everything. I really2 hate it.because if i hate all this tension and busy thing, it end up i become more lazy to do anything.arghhhhh....two more weeks to go before final exam n we still busy with all these projects, assignment n presentation.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

1 Litre of Tears

"If I were a flower, then now I would be a bud.
I shall treasure the beginning of my youth without any regrets.
This disease, why did it choose me?
Fate. It can't be put into words.
I want to make a time machine and go back in time.
If it wasn't for this disease,not only I could enjoy falling in love but I alsowouldn’t have to rely on anyone and live by myself.
I really don't want to say things such as 'I want to go back to how things were before.
'I recognize how I am right now, and I will continue to live on.
Therefore I definitely won't run away.
That's what I’ll do.
Definitely, always.
Even if it's like that, I still want to stay here.
because this is the place where I am.
If you look up at the sky after falling down the blue sky is also todaystretching limitlessly and smiles at me...
I'm alive.
People shouldn’t dwell on the past.
It's enough to try your best in all that you're doing now.
Reality is too cruel, too brutal.
I don’t even have the right to dream.
As i think about the future, the tears will come out again."

that is some of the part of diary written by Aya Ikeuchi. This proved her courage and positive attitude towards an uncertain future when suffering such an illness, spinocerebellar ataxia. It such a sad story. Actually I already watched this Japanese drama in 2006 after i heard about a positive review towards this drama.beside that, I also interested with something that taken from the real life. 1 Litre of Tears.This is based on the true story of the girl who still not lose hope with life eventhough she knews that she has not much time to live.To my surprise, this is the first drama series that make me cry since the first episode and the last episode is even worse.i never thought i will cry that serious.

why i choose this as my blog topics?
suddenly when i was busy doing my assignment i heard the drama theme song from my friend PC.then it automatically remind me of this drama.b4 this i always get mad and tense when faced many workload.then i realize, it is not that much since i still can have an opportunity to finish it.each work given will have a solution.but what if i faced a situation where there is no solution n it involved our life.even a small thing we cannot handle, how we will handle the big thing that involved life and death.this make me think again.i should be grateful with my life and enjoy it no matter how hard it is.when i read many times the sentence that i paste above, it gave me a spirit.

it make me think if i was in her place, will i be that strong?will i write these kind of sentence and inspire people not to give up in life? what a wonderful girl she is.she knows her conditions but she still want to live like a normal people.her family also very good.they gave support to her.make her laugh and happy until at the end of her life.